Email me and maybe I will respond, maybe not, who knows?
My old email no longer functions - which is out of my control. Any emails to my old email, I will NOT receive. If you sent an email you think I did not receive, send it to my firstname.lastname@example.org email.
CALL ME: 725-CUM-FART
Yes, that is my actual phone number. Your phone call goes directly to my Garfield phone in my room. If I don't answer, please leave a voicemail so I can call you back. The voicemail you leave is on my 80's answering machine, also in my room.
Is this really your phone number?
Why is the area code in Nevada?
I wanted a vanity number i.e. the number to spell something. I could search my potential vanity number on my provider's website before purchasing. CUM-FART was only available in Nevada or New York. I like cum farts better in Nevada.
When can I call you?
Anytime - literally. I don't have a set sleep schedule, so I couldn't honestly tell you a good time to call. I can accidentally flip my entire sleep schedule in only a few days, so I don't have set conscious operating hours because I'm not a freerange slave.
Will you call me back?
I reserve the right to place our call on a TEN (10) minute timer from the moment I pick up your call.
Q: Why would I do this?
A: Because I am too shy to state when I desire to get off the phone. My desire to get off the phone could be for any variety of reasons; but most people may assume I want to get off the phone because I dislike talking to them. This is most likely not the case, but it is technically a possibility. In reality, I can easily spend up to 6 hours on 1 phone call. Doing this every day repeatedly is detrimental to my quality of life, as I neglect basic human needs such as cleaning my room and myself, cooking, and taking care of my dogs. At times when I do state I must attend to my QOL needs, my phone partner may continue the conversation, not realizing that I really have to go. While I don't mind from a social standpoint, my dogs and my stomach do mind. Because of this, I may start a timer at the time of our call if needed depending on my needs at the time of your call. You are welcome to inquire if your call is placed on the ten minute timer.
You can take pleasure in feeding me. I'm trying to rehabilitate from anorexia, as you can see, I'm still fat like Eugenia Cooney. Please save my life. Feed me. I accept gift cards for Papa Murphy, Little Caesar, and Panda Express. Just buy the gift card online and put my email as the recipient. I might reply back to your email with a before and after stomach stretching picture so you can see what you did to me. You can see what your money translates to. (your money -> gift card -> food -> ashley tummy full -> shit pic). I also might reply back with just a smiley face. Most likely no reply at all. You better take your chances and see what happens.
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